My dear friend Suzanna fought a valiant battle with leukemia that ended just two weeks before Asher was born. Over the past couple of years, I have struggled to find my peace with this. I wasn't able to see her before her passing and have felt that I had no closure. I was pregnant for most of the duration of her illness, so I thought I would go visit after the baby was born. It became apparent that she would not make it that long, so I scheduled my flight to go see her, but she passed away the morning I was to leave. Paul and I were able to go to her funeral, but I have always regretted not being able to say goodbye. Over these past couple of years, I have come to realize that maybe that wasn't the worst thing. I have no memories of her being so terribly sick. My memories of her are all vibrant and healthy and alive like she was. She was very funny. In what was our last conversation just a couple of days before her passing, I tried to keep things light. I didn't want to say goodbye over the phone especially since I thought I would see her in a couple of days. As sick as she was, she was curious to know whether or not we were going to have our baby circumcised. She had a great sense of humor and I loved that! She was also very fun. Her boys had the best mom ever. My girls went on their first slip-n-slide at her house and had their first ice cream cones there as well. Consiquently we have never been without a slip-n-slide or ice cream cones since. I have many fond memories of girls nights watching the "Bachelor" or just talking, the New Years Eve party she would throw each year, my girls playing cars at her house and her boys playing dress ups at mine. Maybe it's best that I only have great things to remember and that should be closure enough.
At the kids first birthday party. L-R Deanna and Rachael, Suzanna and Ethan and me and Emma.
4 comments:
Thanks for posting about her. I still think of her so often! She will forever be apart of all of us. She led by example, she loved us all unconditionally, and she helped us all to be a little better.
I will never be the same, and to her I owe so much.
I remember when this happened. Your insight in her passing is so positive. You're such a great example to me. I remember when Grandpa Monson died and I was in Germany with the family, I never did say goodbye to him. I remember flying home for his funeral and was utterly shocked at how boney his face was and how frail he had become over the past while. I was so sad for his passing yet so happy I didn't have to watch his health fail. Because of you, I've realized that it's ok I never said goodbye. I'm sure grandpa, like most others who pass, wouldn't want to be seen like that as their last memory for us. My memories of him are games and him crackin jokes about Thelma when she's playin the piano :) Anyway, enjoyed your posting.
Jen, you have always been so aware of what really matters. I wish I could have your focus on the eternal! I am reminded, from this post, of what's most important in life. My grandfather, who was also a father to me in some ways, passed not long ago and it's true. You really just want to remember them living with strength and being the best that they can be! Thanks for being like a sister and for being the example you are to me:) (are you hearing the Golden Girls theme song)?
Oh, I sure miss her. Thanks for the cute picture. vwanafy
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